Career transitions have a way of revealing the strength of your relationships.
When I moved from corporate life into my own business, I noticed who leaned in and who quietly stepped back.
It wasn’t good or bad, just revealing, and at times, surprising. Genuine relationships, I learned, aren’t built in moments of convenience; they are tested and strengthened in moments of change, challenge and transitions.
The Myth of Effortless Connection
In a world obsessed with personal branding and professional networking, it’s easy to confuse connection with contact.
We collect business cards, LinkedIn connections and coffee meetings as though quantity equals quality. Yet, genuine connection, the kind that sustains careers, fosters trust and builds long-lasting relationships, can’t be rushed or reduced to a transaction.
People often assume that good relationships should be easy.
In reality, great relationships require effort and dedication. The most influential leaders don’t just meet people; they invest in them. They understand that authentic, enduring relationships are built through consistent energy, curiosity and care.
The problem is that many professionals direct their energy toward the wrong kind of relationship-building: transactional rather than sustained.
Transactional versus Sustained Relationships
A transactional relationship is rooted in immediate gain: What can I get from this interaction? The focus is short-term, often self-centred and contingent on utility. These relationships often fizzle once the benefit is achieved.
A sustained relationship, by contrast, is reciprocal and long-term. Both parties see value in staying connected, even when there’s no obvious or immediate payoff. They share information, ideas and support because they believe in mutual growth.
When you take a sustained approach, you focus on the long term and:
- Show genuine curiosity about the other person’s perspective.
- Build collaboration instead of competition.
- Recognise that relationships require both give and take.
- Offer the benefit of the doubt and assume positive intent.
- Stay consistent and transparent, even when it’s difficult.
These elements are foundational for trust, which is the cornerstone of any meaningful professional relationship.
As author Stephen Covey observed, “When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant and effective.”
The Hidden Traps of Networking
Superficial networking has a seductive appeal. It feels efficient, measurable, and productive. You can tick boxes, track connections, and walk away with the illusion of progress.
But it’s also fragile. When pressure mounts, for example, a project goes off track or a career shift looms, those transactional connections often disappear.
One of the less intuitive traps is that networking can actually narrow your field of trust. By spreading your energy too thinly, you risk overlooking the deeper relationships that truly matter. Research in social capital and organisational behaviour supports this idea. When we invest broadly rather than deeply, we often weaken the relational depth and trust that come from more meaningful ties.
That said, the sociologist Mark Granovetter famously wrote about the value of weak ties, specifically the role of distant acquaintances in spreading new information and opening doors to opportunities. Weak connections can be powerful conduits for innovation and fresh perspectives.
However, weak ties should complement, not replace, your stronger ones. Breadth without depth creates a network that’s wide but shallow.
The second trap is homophily, which refers to our tendency to gravitate toward people who are like ourselves. It feels comfortable, but it limits perspective. Deep relationships flourish in diversity. They challenge us to think differently, adapt and grow, especially in times of uncertainty and complexity.
And finally, there’s the trap of emotional convenience. We prefer people who validate us, rather than those who challenge us. But enduring relationships, the kind that elevate your thinking and sharpen your leadership, are often forged through constructive tension, not comfort.
The Takers, Fakers and Makers
The quality of your network ultimately depends on the character of the people within it and on your ability to discern who truly has your back. Not everyone approaches relationships with the same intent or integrity. Some connections will stretch you in the best ways; others will quietly erode your energy and trust.
Understanding these patterns is critical if you want to invest your time wisely.
Across your career, you’ll encounter three archetypes: takers, fakers and makers.
- Takers are driven by personal gain. They’ll help you only when it benefits them. They often drain energy, create drama, and disappear when you need them most. Think Succession’s Logan Roy – the ultimate power accumulator. Every relationship is transactional and conditional. He uses people as leverage, viewing loyalty as expendable. For Logan, trust is a weakness, not a strength…until his empire fractures under the weight of fear and competition.
- Fakers are harder to spot. They say the right things, but their actions often fail to align with their words. They operate on charm and duplicity, appearing supportive while serving their own interests. Consider Nate Shelley from Ted Lasso: initially humble, his need for recognition leads him to betray those who helped him rise. His transformation from gratitude to arrogance reveals how ego can fracture once-authentic relationships.
- Makers, by contrast, invest in shared success. They’re principled, transparent, and collaborative. Like Ted Lasso himself, they lead with integrity, act in service of the collective, and honour their word. Empathetic, consistent, and purpose-driven, they understand that sustainable influence stems from trust and mutual respect, rather than manipulation or fear.
In the short term, takers and fakers may win attention or advantage.
However, over time, their lack of sincerity erodes trust, and once broken, it is almost impossible to rebuild.
The Power of the Makers
Makers understand that influence isn’t about dominance; it’s about reciprocity.
They’re curious about others, willing to advocate for them, and open to being challenged in return. Their relationships have depth and are characterised by both integrity and empathy.
It’s the makers who will help you navigate complexity and adversity. They’re the colleagues who speak the truth you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. They’re also the ones who show up when circumstances turn.
But here’s the critical reflection: which one are you?
- Are you unconsciously taking more than you give? (A Taker)
- Are you projecting authenticity but acting out of convenience? (A Faker)
- Or are you genuinely contributing to a network that thrives on trust and shared success? (A Maker)
Mapping Your Relationship Ecosystem
Deep connection is never one-sided.
Sustainable relationships rely on mutual investment; being aware not only of who supports you, but also how you show up for others, but also how you show up for others, and being intentional about building and strengthening the relationships that enable work to flow. The work of relationship-building begins with self-reflection and then expands outward.
To cultivate influence that endures, you must understand both your role and the system within which you operate.
Once you’ve reflected on the part you play — taker, faker, or maker — it’s time to zoom out and explore the bigger picture: the web of people, dynamics, and patterns that shape your professional world.
Who’s in your corner? Who’s on the sidelines? And where might your energy be misplaced?
To answer these questions, take time to investigate your relationship ecosystem.
Mapping it visually can help bring clarity. Consider:
- Who do you engage with regularly, and how effective are those interactions?
- Where are the gaps, overlaps, or pain points?
- Who are your strongest supporters, and who may be detracting from progress?
- Who are the connectors (i.e. those who bridge networks and open doors)?
- Who holds real influence, and what is the quality of your relationship with them?
Once you’ve identified where the strengths and gaps lie, you can focus your energy where it matters most and nurture relationships that are reciprocal, resilient, and real.
Building Relationships That Last
The next step is translating that insight into deliberate action.
Awareness alone doesn’t strengthen connection; it’s what you do with that awareness that counts.
Turning reflection into practice is how relationships evolve from incidental to intentional and from functional to enduring.
Here are six ideas to get you started:
- Lead with intent. Be clear on why you’re building the connection. Authenticity starts with purpose, not performance.
- Listen with curiosity. You can ask questions that invite insight, not just information. People remember how you made them think, not just how you made them feel.
- Invest before you need to. The best time to build a relationship is long before you need help. Consistent, small gestures build equity over time.
- Show up in adversity. Loyalty is proven in difficult moments. When you support others through change, they’ll remember it and reciprocate when it matters most.
- Challenge with care. Healthy relationships can handle disagreement. Respectful challenge deepens trust by demonstrating integrity.
- Reflect regularly. Periodically assess who’s in your network and whether those relationships still align with your values and goals.
Connection is a Leadership Imperative
In an era defined by remote work, organisational flux and AI-mediated communication, a genuine human connection is a competitive advantage.
Leaders who foster deep, trusting relationships are better equipped to influence, navigate ambiguity and drive progress.
Strong connections don’t just make work more enjoyable; they make it sustainable. They create psychological safety, increase resilience and open channels for honest feedback and collaboration.
Remember, as Teacher Eckhart Tolle reminds us, “Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or holding on.”
The same applies to relationships. Let go of the takers and fakers. Invest your energy where it truly counts… with the makers, the collaborators, the people who make you better.
Because in the end, your career won’t be defined by how many people you know, but by how deeply you’ve connected with the ones who matter most.
Getting you ready for tomorrow, today®
Award-winning author and global workplace expert, Dr Michelle Gibbings, helps leaders, teams and organisations unlock strategic influence to accelerate progress.