In life, timing is often crucial. Things can happen spontaneously or be planned, so if something goes well for you, is it just luck or something else?
I’ve often found in life that the more I plan and the more effort I put into something, the more things are likely to work out.
So it is with communicating.
Communicating effectively takes effort, and it takes even more effort when you need to step into a challenging conversation or discussion.
Some time ago, someone said to me, ‘There is no wrong time to do the right thing.’ While I agree with this sentiment, it can be unhelpful advice in the context of communication.
Communicating an idea or concern whenever it suits you can be problematic.
Why? Because the art of successfully communicating is not just about you. It’s also about the other people involved in the conversation. What may be the right time for you may not be the right time for them.
Whether in personal relationships, workplace dynamics, or casual encounters, consciously choosing the right moment to speak, listen deeply or remain silent can significantly impact your outcomes.
Influential leadership is not just about what’s said but when it’s said.
Timing Matters
When you consciously select your timing, you put your emotional intelligence to work to actively foster connection, elevate trust and support decision-making.
For instance, sharing important news or feedback when the other person is distracted or stressed may lead to misunderstandings or a lack of proper engagement. Conversely, choosing a moment when the other person is more attentive and receptive can lead to a more productive and connected conversation.
In conversations, you must create space for the other person to fully participate. So, timing isn’t just about when you speak but when you listen.
Interrupting someone or speaking before the other person has had time to respond comes across as disrespectful. You demonstrate respect and leadership when you show genuine interest in the other person and allow them to express themselves fully before responding. This approach not only builds trust but also encourages open communication.
Presenting ideas or suggestions at the right moment can influence how receptive colleagues are to them. For example, proposing a new project during a busy period or when the decision-makers are stressed and distracted will mean your idea won’t receive the attention it deserves. However, introducing it during a session when stakeholders are appropriately focused can shift the outcome positively.
Challenge Yourself
When you are communicating something that matters, do you consciously think:
- Is it the right time of day or the right location for this conversation?
- Is the other person in the best frame of mind to talk? Are they available and attentive?
- Am I in the right headspace to deliver a compelling message? Am I focused and alert? Am I ready to listen? How well you manage your energy day to day has a direct bearing on this. These nine tips can help you stay at your best.
- Do I know what I want to say and how to most effectively share or present the message?
- Am I prepared for the conversation in that I have thought through the options and how the conversation might unfold?
- Do I have enough time to fully engage in a conversation with the other person?
If you can’t answer these questions, then you’re likely not ready for the conversation. If you charge ahead, you risk delivering a message that goes unheard or, worse, engaging in a conversation in which people misconstrue your intent.
Don’t Avoid Silence
Humans don’t like silence in conversations. It can feel awkward.
However, silence is a powerful tool to have in your conversation kit.
It provides space for reflection, allowing both parties to process information and emotions. Strategic pauses in high-stakes discussions or negotiations can give you time to think critically and respond thoughtfully, rather than impulsively.
It can also lead the other people involved to say more than they had planned in their desire to avoid the awkwardness of silence.
On the flip side, silence can encourage participation. In group settings, allowing moments of silence can prompt quieter members to contribute, leading to a more inclusive and balanced conversation. This approach ensures that diverse perspectives are heard and valued.
In some situations, silence is the most empathetic response. In moments of grief, frustration, or confusion, offering silent support can be more comforting than words. It shows that you are present and attentive, providing a safe space for the other person to express their feelings without pressure.
Go for Conscious Planning
Being more strategic starts with being consciously planned. So, next time you are approaching an important conversation, consider the following tips:
- Plan what you want to say – think about your message and your desired outcome
- Consider the pace of your message – focus on the delivery and how and when you say it
- Pick your place – choose a time and place where both parties can be fully present and free from distractions.
- Invite the other party/parties to the conversation – you’re prepared for the conversation, so you want to ensure they are too. Springing a conversation on someone will unlikely give you the success you seek.
Be Consciously Present
During the conversation, be fully present and engaged. This involves maintaining eye contact, nodding, and providing feedback that shows you are paying attention.
Notice how those involved are reacting to what you are saying.
You want to sense the mood in the room. Understanding the context and mood of the conversation is crucial. Are people relaxed or tense? Is the message landing? Are emotions running high?
By reading the room, you can shift your approach. You might need to pause, ask questions, and check that those involved are hearing what you are saying. You might need to temporarily put the conversation on hold and resume the conversation when the other party is more ready to participate. Remember, it’s never a one-way diatribe.
As part of this, resist the urge to fill every silence with words. Instead, allow conversations to flow naturally, giving others the opportunity to speak and reflect.
In your ideal conversation, all involved will walk away feeling heard. This is a head-and-heart conversation. You want to connect both factually and emotionally. Conversations of this nature can be time-consuming, but the benefits on a relational level are enormous. It also helps you build strong stakeholder relationships, which elevates your influence.
Master the Skill
Mastering the art of timing in conversations is a valuable skill, which means it can be learned. If you want to build your influential leadership skills, then you will want to invest in mastering it. When you choose the right moment, your message is more likely to be heard, leading to more influential interactions and positive outcomes.
In all this, remember the wise words of the author, Mark Twain: “The right word may be effective, but no word was effective as a rightly timed pause”.