Feedback. Just one word, and most of us instinctively brace ourselves. Whether it’s a formal performance review or an off-the-cuff comment from a colleague, feedback often sparks discomfort, defensiveness, or even dread. And yet, dodging it could be the very thing holding your leadership back.
For leaders, the ability to both seek and use feedback is a cornerstone of learning agility, resilience, and long-term success.
Decades of research in psychology, organisational behaviour, and leadership development show that how we respond to feedback influences not only our own career trajectory but also how others perceive our credibility, coachability, and capacity to grow.
Negativity Bias Skews Our View
Consider this…
You receive two pieces of feedback on the same day. One was glowing. The other, less so. Where does your energy go?
For most of us, it’s likely that we will give more attention to the negative feedback. This is negativity bias at play.
Studies by researchers such as Professor John T. Cacioppo show that negative stimuli activate our brains more powerfully than positive stimuli, and we encode adverse information more vividly in memory.
This neurological wiring once helped our ancestors detect threats and avoid danger. In today’s workplace, however, it means we disproportionately dwell on what went wrong rather than what went right. Consequently, when feedback is delivered, negativity bias tends to dominate, and a single critical remark can outweigh several compliments.
Left unchecked, negativity bias can distort self-perception, magnify self-doubt, and erode motivation.
Dodging Feedback is Costly
Many leaders assume that if they aren’t receiving feedback, they must be doing well.
Unfortunately, that’s a dangerous assumption. Silence is not synonymous with success. In fact, the absence of feedback can be a warning sign that colleagues or leaders have stopped investing in your growth.
Of course, feedback doesn’t just happen. It requires intentional, well-structured performance conversations where expectations, behaviours, and outcomes are discussed clearly and constructively.
Additionally, we’re often not the best judges of ourselves. We can overestimate our abilities in areas such as communication, leadership, and teamwork. According to psychologist Adam Grant, colleagues are frequently better predictors of how personality traits impact performance than we are ourselves.
Feedback provides the external “mirror” we cannot create on our own. Without it, we base our self-assessment on assumptions rather than evidence. With it, we gain insights that unlock a new level of growth, perspective, and behavioural agility.
Research by Professor Sue Ashford and colleagues found that employees who proactively seek feedback tend to perform better, adapt more effectively to changing environments, and enhance their relationships with supervisors.
Conversely, those who avoid it risk stagnation. Without corrective input, you can fall into the gap between intention and impact — believing you are effective while others see missed opportunities, blind spots, or counterproductive habits. As well, when you resist or dismiss feedback, you can be perceived as less open and less coachable, which in turn diminishes trust.
Your response to feedback signals your readiness or reluctance to grow.
Not All Feedback is Equal
Of course, not every piece of feedback deserves equal weight. Some comments are grounded in insight and delivered with positive intent. Others may be vague, biased, or even malicious.
The key is learning to discern which is which.
One practical approach is to evaluate feedback along two dimensions:
- Intent – Is the person offering feedback genuinely trying to help you improve, or are they motivated by self-interest, competition, or frustration?
- Competence – Does the person have relevant expertise, knowledge, or credibility in the area they are commenting on?
When intent is positive and competence is strong, lean in and listen. When both are low, don’t dismiss the feedback outright. It may still reveal insights about interpersonal dynamics, perceptions, or relationships. Even poorly delivered or poorly informed feedback can carry valuable insights if you remain curious.
By consciously filtering feedback, you avoid two common traps: blindly accepting all criticism or defensively rejecting it.
Actively Seek Self-Awareness
Psychologist Daniel Goleman defines self-awareness as the ability to recognise one’s internal states, preferences, and intuitions.
Gaining self-awareness is crucial because we are often unreliable judges of our own behaviour. One of the most helpful ways to do this is by participating in a 360-degree feedback assessment process.
The idea behind using 360-degree assessments can be traced back to the work of psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, who developed the Johari window (see below). This technique was designed to help individuals better understand their relationships with themselves and others, and to foster personal growth and cultivate stronger relationships.
A 360-degree feedback process involves multiple feedback sources, ensuring a variety of perspectives about your performance and behaviours are captured. The aim is to source feedback from people who work directly with you, including boss, peers, direct reports, and potentially customers, clients and suppliers. You assess yourself against the same criteria.
The resulting report then reveals what’s working, what is not, and areas of strength and development. The insights from this process provide a pathway for you to identify the gap and alignment between how you perceive yourself and how others experience your leadership.
Now, there are a few caveats with this process. Firstly, use an accredited tool so that the insights are meaningful. Secondly, don’t treat it as a performance process. The insights are about your development and growth. Thirdly, be prepared to receive all feedback, regardless of whether you think it is fair or not. Trying to determine who wrote what and why goes against the purpose of these instruments.
Having been through a 360-degree process multiple times during my corporate career, I can attest to the value it offers.
Building Your Feedback Muscle
It is worth investing time in building your feedback reception skills because receiving feedback well is not a one-off skill but a muscle you cultivate over time. The more you practise, the stronger and more resilient you become.
There are six strategies to apply.
Strategy 1 – Identify areas for growth
When you receive helpful feedback, acknowledge where you can do better. This demonstrates maturity and ownership of your development. Leaders who openly admit learning edges create psychological safety for others to do the same.
Strategy 2 – Accept your emotions
Despite the best intentions, it’s easy to get caught in a feedback spiral, replaying a negative comment over and over. This is rarely helpful.
The antidote lies in emotional regulation, where you allow yourself to feel the sting (remember, your emotions are valid) but then deliberately refocus on what you can control.
The initial defensiveness you may feel is natural, especially when feedback feels unexpected. Pause. Take a breath. Resist the urge to argue or justify. Instead, listen. Ask clarifying questions. If needed, create space with phrases such as, “Thank you. That’s helpful. Let me reflect and get back to you.”
Practices such as mindfulness, journaling, or reframing can help shift from passive rumination to purposeful action.
Strategy 3 – Ask for feedback regularly
Normalise feedback by making it part of everyday work.
Questions like, “What’s one thing I could have done better in that meeting?” invite constructive, specific input.
Strategy 4 – Clarify and reflect
Vague feedback such as “be more strategic” can be frustrating.
If you receive unclear feedback, seek clarification. For example, “I’d like to understand more about what that looks like in practice for me. What would ‘more strategic’ look like in my role?”
Clarity helps bridge the gap between data and action, enabling you to translate feedback into behavioural change more effectively.
Strategy 5 – Show appreciation and act
Offering honest feedback to a leader requires courage. So, take a moment to express gratitude to those who took that risk, and more importantly, show respect through action.
Even minor adjustments show you value the input and are committed to learning more about yourself and adapting as necessary.
Strategy 6 – Reframe feedback as fuel
Ultimately, feedback is neither inherently good nor bad. It is data.
While the idea that feedback is a gift can feel difficult to embrace particularly when the message stings. The real value lies in what you choose to do with it.
What matters is how you interpret and use it. Seen through the right lens, feedback becomes a resource to power your growth, refine your influence, and strengthen your relationships.
Author Leo Tolstoy once wrote: “If you care too much about being praised, in the end you will not accomplish anything serious.”
The point is not to chase approval, but to cultivate the discipline of listening, learning, and growing with intention. Every piece of feedback, whether affirming or challenging, carries the potential to sharpen your edge and elevate your impact.
Getting you ready for tomorrow, today®
Award-winning author and global workplace expert, Dr Michelle Gibbings, helps leaders, teams and organisations unlock strategic influence to accelerate progress.