In The Comfort Book, Matt Haig, one of my favourite writers, writes: “You are waterproof: It is easier to learn to be soaked and happy than to learn how to stop the rain.”
It’s a gentle but powerful metaphor for resilience—not about escaping life’s storms, but learning how to walk through them with grace, perspective, and strength. In today’s world, that quality is more vital than ever.
Leaders face relentless demands. Employees grapple with uncertainty. Organisations are continually reshaped by disruption. The question is no longer if we will encounter adversity, but when—and how we respond when we do.
The Traditional View of Resilience
Resilience is often described as “bouncing back” from difficulty. But contemporary psychological research offers a more nuanced picture. It’s less about snapping back and more about growing through adversity. As Professor of Clinical Psychology George Bonanno notes, resilience encompasses a range of outcomes—from resistance to recovery to even thriving in the aftermath of trauma.
From a business perspective, resilient individuals are more adaptive, emotionally agile, and persistent in the face of change. For leaders, resilience supports sustained performance and helps create cultures of psychological safety. It enables leaders to remain composed under pressure, respond constructively to failure, and guide their teams with empathy and clarity.
Crucially, there’s a compounding effect. Developing resilience after a stressful period—whether personal or professional—doesn’t just help you cope in the moment. It can build a foundation of confidence and capability to navigate future stressors more effectively.
But not always. While psychological resilience remains essential, what if it’s not enough?
Too Much Grit and Bear It
In an era of chronic overwork, global uncertainty, and increasing emotional depletion, what if doing all the “right” things—exercising, meditating, sleeping, journaling— still leaves you exhausted, stressed and on the edge of burnout?
That’s the paradox organisational psychologist Dr Tasha Eurich explores in her latest book, Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos.
Drawing on over five years of empirical research, survey responses, and in-depth analysis Tasha Eurich challenges the dominant narrative around resilience. She writes, “We’ve long been taught that by strengthening our resilience muscles, we not only can survive anything, but grow stronger in the process. However, current research (mine and others) casts doubt on much of this ‘grit and bear it’ gospel.”
The Resilience Ceiling
Eurich introduces the concept of the resilience ceiling—the moment when traditional coping strategies stop working, and even minor disruptions trigger disproportionate emotional fallout.
Her research identifies three “design flaws” in the human brain that leave us vulnerable to modern stress:
- Bad is bigger than good – Our brains are evolutionarily wired to prioritise threat over reward.
- The cortisol conundrum – Prolonged stress depletes the very resources needed to manage it.
- The anarchy of uncertainty – Ambiguity and lack of control create psychological strain.
As Eurich argues, resilience isn’t limitless, so clinging to outdated models can be counterproductive.
She also identifies three core myths. Firstly, that resilience makes us stronger. She suggests that it often helps us return to baseline, but not necessarily to grow beyond it. Secondly, that resilience is a choice. However, her research suggests that resilience capacity is shaped by genetics, life experience, and environment. Lastly, the ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ saying is flawed because repeated adversity can erode, rather than strengthen our coping abilities.
Left unexamined, these myths contribute to what Eurich calls grit gaslighting—blaming ourselves for struggling instead of recognising when the model itself is flawed.
What’s the Alternative?
Eurich proposes a new approach: shatterproofing. The goal isn’t to bounce back. It’s to grow forward, turning adversity into clarity and renewal.
Her four-step framework helps leaders build sustainable psychological strength.
- Step One: Probe Your Pain – Leaders often rationalise or suppress emotional pain, viewing it as weakness. Eurich reframes pain as data—a signal of unmet needs. Facing it with curiosity reveals insight and restores agency.
- Step Two: Trace Your Triggers – Overreactions are not character flaws; they’re clues. Eurich identifies three core needs that we need to flourish: confidence, choice, and connection. Understanding the triggers that underpin these needs can reduce shame and improve emotional regulation.
- Step Three: Spot Your Shadows – To cope with unmet needs, we develop ‘shadow habits’ like perfectionism, people-pleasing, or emotional withdrawal. These once-protective behaviours now keep us stuck. Growth requires replacing them with healthier patterns that meet our actual needs.
- Step Four: Pick Your Pivots – Progress happens when we choose new goals and behaviours that align with our values and context. Eurich calls these ‘pivots’ small, deliberate shifts that reinforce personal clarity and strengthen our foundation.
She helpfully provides a series of tools and techniques you can use, which aren’t generic resilience hacks. Instead, they are evidence-based techniques designed to help leaders build a life that doesn’t just withstand stress, but grows stronger because of it
What Else Helps?
The foundations of resilience still matter. Engaging in restorative practices—like mindfulness, yoga, exercise, and sleep—has been shown to recalibrate the stress response and enhance neuroplasticity.
Additionally, allowing time to heal, accepting our emotions, and applying Stoic principles (focusing on what we can control) remain core elements of psychological strength.
As Epictetus wrote: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
But growth doesn’t happen in isolation. Social connection is a vital buffer. Whether it’s colleagues, friends, or family, being able to speak openly about stress—including early warning signs like fatigue, irritability, and cognitive fog—is critical. As I’ve written about previously, we all crave belonging: Why you need to focus on belonging at work.
And there’s courage in knowing when professional help is needed—especially when others are impacted, such as children, clients, or team members.
Leadership That Learns and Listens
Every stressful event holds the potential for growth. Once the storm has passed, ask yourself: What did I learn? What did I gain? What would I do differently next time?
This isn’t about toxic positivity, minimising pain or toughing it out. It’s about integrating difficult experiences into your leadership story. In organisational settings, leaders who debrief thoughtfully and model self-reflection create more adaptive, transparent, and growth-focused cultures.
Influential leaders notice when others are struggling—recognising signs of disengagement, burnout, or cynicism—and work to address root causes, not just surface symptoms, understanding that lasting influence comes from how leaders show up in difficult moments.
Remember, life is always full of ups and downs, and as Matt Haig reminds us, it’s not about waiting for the rain to stop. It’s about becoming the kind of person who can be “soaked and happy.”
In leadership, that’s the kind of person others want to follow.
Getting you ready for tomorrow, today®
Award-winning author and global workplace expert, Dr Michelle Gibbings, helps leaders, teams and organisations unlock strategic influence to drive lasting impact.